how boring would life be if we always had it 'figured out'? what has been revealed to me recently is the realization of psychological patterns through my understanding of food and health. the challenging part of digging deep into your soul through meditation and through a clean diet, is the darkness that rears its ugly head. where there is light, there cannot be darkness, so when we shed light on our truth, there is bound to be some crap to clean up.
this is where the double edged sword of responsibility comes into play.
i have been in full blown self attack mode this past week and have finally just came to terms with why.
here's the thing, i'm obsessed with food.
i'm obsessed with when i'm going to eat, what i'm going to eat, and how full i'm going to get. granted, it's health food that i'm attached to, but nevertheless, it's an attachment and it's not healthy.
the root cause of this need for nourishment comes from a subconscious thought of i'm not enough, or i'm not worthy.
it's a need to 'fill a void' or a fear of being alone/empty.
ultimately it's a fear based thought pattern, operating under the falsehood of my ego--not from a place of love--love for myself, or the lack of self-worth.
what i've come to realize is my stomach has been the lesson for me in this journey of health. first it started out with skin issues (related to the stomach), then it was my digestion process, and now, each time i peel away a layer of the onion, and start to make some headway, something new is exposed to me. now it's becoming a whole new ballgame with the psychology behind it all, coming to play.
it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
when i start attacking myself with thoughts of, "come on kate, why can't you walk away from that plate of food, or why are you binging on cookies, or you know you shouldn't eat that, you'll break out in zits, etc. etc." i start second guessing my whole life--"who am i to give advice to people about food or wellness, when i'm a mess myself?"
then i go into my defense mode of searching, reaching for the answer--maybe in a book, or in a nutrition consultant, blah blah blah blah blah....i can go on crazy tangents. this is a vicious cycle, and i created it myself.
but the ah ha moment here, is that it's okay, this is part of my journey, putting one foot in front of the next and learning and growing--the awareness is the first step.
shedding light on what does and doesn't work for me in my life allows me to continue to evolve to my highest self, and to get down and dirty with my karmic influences to understand the why behind it all...
what fascinates me about the mind-body connection is that the body is literally the key and the answer to all our challenges.
our job here on earth is to clean up karma so that we can raise our vibration to love--that's it. our body tells us what we need to address. these lessons are stepping stones to the realization of our highest self. our physical body is the manifestation of our subconscious thoughts.
a tough one to swallow is the concept that disease is something we create. but don't beat yourself up about it, you're not alone in the subconscious thought patterns.
we each have 7 karmic influences that make up the essence of who we are.
they are deep rooted and coded in our bones and cells. our spine is like the motherboard of the computer, remembering any and all things ever written. it's connected to our brain and therefore, our thought patterns. it's the seed for what's to come. our bodies are the flower or the rotten fruit of that seed...take your pick.
the seven karmic influences that attribute to our subconscious thought patterns, based on universal kabbalah teachings are:
1. your past lives (believe it or not)
2/3. your mother and father and all their karmic influences...whoa! (here's the genetic/biological element)
4. the environment you experienced in your mother's womb.
5. your planetary influence, based on the day you were born (each day has an energy from a specific planet--the door you came through into this life and the door to your house--you; how you perceive and receive life.)
6. the environment you were born into (the city, the neighborhood, the status of your surroundings--poor, rich, etc.)
7. your childhood upbringing from age 1-11 (all the ways you were taught/guided during this time impact your emotional karma)
you see, there are so many other forces working for or against you each and every day.
we just have to take baby steps and trust that with each day and each step, more will be revealed to you about who you are and what you will become.
as my good friend said to me yesterday, "life is a transition", and "life happens when you're busy making other plans" (an oldie but goodie), we're never going to "get there" its all a process that we must honor and acknowledge.
we are perfect just as we are, where we are, and it's all a beautiful unraveling of your unique self.
much love. <3