To some, the thought of moving may be a scary concept, but for me, not moving has always been scary. I'm always switching things up, because that's my comfort zone! But the fact that I'm so comfortable with moving and starting all over again offers up a new portal to learning about myself. Why am I so comfortable with change? In the past, If something's not working in my life, I'm quick to pick up and move. It's really just another defense mechanism, similar to when I focus on a new project, diet, cleanse, etc.--barreling through and distracting myself with new tasks so as not to feel what's really coming up.
This time it's different.
These past 14 months, I've been living out of a bedroom at my mom's house on Cape Cod--not the ideal scenario for a 32 year old who had been 'living the dream in L.A.'. It's fascinating how we can have so many wonderful things in our life, but still not truly be happy. There's no rhyme or reason as to why some things may make someone happy, that wouldn't make another happy, but the truth is, we are all here in this life, steadily climbing the ladder of spiritual correction. Challenges and lessons are constantly being thrown our way so that we can expand our vessel and allow for more to be revealed to us as we get closer to the gateway of heaven.
If we don't take the time to feel our feelings and go within to find out what's really going on, we'll just keep getting tripped up along our way until we finally STOP and LISTEN to what our spirit has to say. Have you noticed certain patterns that follow you around wherever you go?
I finally gave in last July, to pull back and discover why I was feeling the 'moving itch' again. I up and left the life I knew and loved in L.A., to actually face what was really coming up for me, which I didn't even know at the time! What I did know, was that undeniable messages were coming to me, telling me to GO HOME! Check out my post from last summer to find out the state I was in: https://forkatessake.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=153&action=edit. I blindly gave in, stepping out of my comfort zone of not knowing what my next move would be, and relied on faith to show me the way. I agreed to just 'come home for the summer', giving me the peace of mind to be okay with leaving L.A.--not fully committing to any real plan--I'm ''uncomfortably comfortable in keeping one foot in, and one foot out of all things at all times..."
I would never have guessed that that 'summer' would turn into a year of living out of a few boxes, never hanging anything up on the bedroom walls, and placing all my time and energy into focusing on my next moves, rather than the here and now. It's an exhausting way to live, but I do it very well. Who likes to be in transition and 'tread water'?
But it all happened for a reason and I am so grateful for the experience, and to my mother! She has taught me so much by just being her beautiful, maternal self!
Fast forward to today. I am filled with a new sense of freedom, of peace, and of clarity as I sit reflecting on the months spent here in my mom's cozy home. Who would have thought that taking this time would be exactly what I needed, to go forward in life, without repeating the same patterns. Cape Cod has given me the space and time to create healing on all levels--emotionally, physically and mentally, that I didn't even know I needed. It has gotten me in touch with who and where I truly want to be (in L.A.) as I resisted staying here as long as I did. I was uncomfortably flailing about in my search for an 'escape'--trying to force myself to choose either Boston, New York or Miami, even entertaining the idea of London or Barcelona along the way. A client asked me the other day if L.A. was home, and I shocked myself at my reply when I said, "Yes. My family is here, but my heart is in L.A.." <3 So, I'm packing up my last few things before I head back to my other home on the west coast in a couple days, and am in awe of the way life unfolds when you just stay still and ride it out for awhile instead of zooming around.
"Wherever you go, there YOU are", is one of my favorite quotes.
Who are YOU, and what do you need? The only way to find out is by going within. I look back at this year and notice how at times I may have seemed super intense, or aloof, and not so much fun to be around, but I've been in an inquiry, and have really gotten in touch with myself--I guess this is what 'soul searching' means. Once we start chipping away at something, we realize there's a lot more chipping to do. The highs and lows and everything in between is the beauty in life. It's all rooted in the NOW. I heard myself say to someone the other day that I was "feeling crazy" when I was living in L.A., and that after a few months of living back here on the Cape, I started "feeling crazy" again...what was the common denominator here? ME. No matter where I had gone, the craziness that I had created only just kept following me. That's why I'm so incredibly grateful to my mom and my family for allowing me to come home and stay put for awhile to re -group and to take the time to really figure out what makes me tick.
This past year has been such a gift! This is my year in review:
I had the space to experiment with a diet that works for me, rather than me working for it--no more crazy town Macrobiotic world! (I still take some concepts, but have done away with the intensity of it).
I had the opportunity to spend quality time with family--being able to be here for the birth of my sweet nephew Brody: I love him to PIECES!!!! Just look at that face!!! :)
I became a certified Naam Yoga Teacher in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico for a 3 week intensive immersion of yoga and meditation on the beach with the most Naamazing people! It was basically heaven on earth. (I'm in the blue hood)
I got to spend quality time with my beautiful, fun and entertaining cousin, Sarah, in Paris and London.
I was able to expand and evolve my career, and to work with my amazing life coach to break free of the constraints that I had placed on myself--to see why I was attracting what I was attracting into my life and instead, how to start living a life that supports my Soul's journey.
Everything happens for a reason, and if we accept and receive the challenges and the gifts, we will flow with ease and grace. We learn as we grow and evolve, expanding our vessel so that we can be compassionate and loving to help other's in their journey. You see, this year has not really been just about me. It's been about my family and friends--the purpose of my life--what gives my life meaning and richness! When we transform, the whole sum of all our parts does too. We create healing for our surroundings and therefore ripple out into the universe. It's not just about what's best for me, but rather for the greater good of all.
Our life is a work of art. We are in a process. Sometimes the path is clear and sometimes we get stuck, but with this deeper connection to self, I am feeling more supported and loved than ever before.
Thank you for allowing me to learn through sharing my journey with you. I can't wait to update you on my new and improved life in L.A., and hope you can apply your life experiences to mine!
I offered to my friend last night what I've learned and am taking with me in this next chapter, and want to share with you for your contemplation:
Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Say YES to what life is offering you. If it's coming to you, it means it's good for you. Your job is to search for the gift or the lesson within that, to allow your Soul to Soar! Where can you say YES?
Life isn't meant to be easy, but it also isn't supposed to be complicated. Let yourself be open to each new day and allow things to unfold. Cultivate a little trust in the unknown, knowing that you didn't get to where you are now in one day. Can you read the signs steering you in a new direction? Where are you inspired? What are you drawn to? Take God up on it! He knows what's best for you, I promise!
Keep the circulation of life alive. Don't block the flow. If you want to create space for newness in your life, get rid of the stuff that weighs you down--physically, emotionally and mentally. Would you like something to change in your life? Than address it now. What can you give up? Where can you give more of yourself today?
You are all amazing! Lots of love to you.
In health and in happiness,